The Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was
good, excellent and outstanding. So, your
rating is "average".

Kumar: What? How
come 'average'?

Big Boss:
Because...err...uhh...you lack domain
knowledge.

Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this
project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss:
Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your
domain knowledge has eroded this year.

Kumar: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see
you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

Kumar: Why would I? Because I
am not in Purchasing, I am in
Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I
don't like about you. You give excuse for
everything.

Kumar: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Kumar: Like what? I
am the one who trained the team on
"Business Communication", you sat in the
audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you
need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Kumar: Huh?
What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss:
See! That's why you need to learn about it.

Kumar: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you
need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All
the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You
told them you will sit beside them and
review their code, and most resigned the
next day itself. Couple of them even
attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned*
(recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our
Normalization process gave you only
'average'.

Kumar: Last year that process
gave me 'excellent'. This year just
'average'? Why is this process pushing me
up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to
hear.

Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go
ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large
room, write down the names of sub-
ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them
up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table
gets 'good', whichever we manage to
catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets
stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

Kumar:
(eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So
who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Kumar:
What the hell! And how can paper bits
stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss:
Oh no, now you have started questioning
our 20 year old organizational process!

Kumar: *faints*